I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
