Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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