Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
