if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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