I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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