I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
