going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I believe in your delicious
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
