she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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