Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
