Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
