i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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