You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
