Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
two words: eviction party
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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