she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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