Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
