he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
