so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
