I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
