Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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