We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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