We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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