I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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