I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
