Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
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