why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
