But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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