We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
