wrigley field is MILF paradise
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I AM VODKA MAN
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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