I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
