i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
