Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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