I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
