Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
