You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
