I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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