I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
