So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
