all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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