Your mouth is God's brothel.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
