Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Drunk is a universal language darling
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
