Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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