I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
