dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It's blow job season.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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