I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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