Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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