So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
