hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
