dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
