remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
