in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
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