I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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