I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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