If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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